“Don’t worry. You won’t have to go on stage or anything,” I was promised. “Good. Because I don’t do things like that. I’ll freeze up. Or throw up,” I responded. “They take volunteers so they will leave you alone unless you want to participate.” Being a human who prefers to be in a zero participation … More The Meat Section
As I sat in doctor’s office for the first time in God knows how many years, I started to panic. I decided that I should probably go in for a general physical after so many years, just to make sure I was on the up and up. I loathe going to the doctor. I’d say … More Blood Boy Vs Bladder
I flew into Indianapolis in early May, ate dinner with my family, and then took off on a 2 and a half hour drive into the wilderness…or as close to the wild as I get as a city gal. My friend, Katie, was getting married at Turkey Run State Park in Marshall, Indiana. I’m pretty … More Disaster Bridesmaid
I had a weird obsession with the show Swamp People for a long time, at one point trying to convince my dad that we would make a great father/daughter team on the show. It was quickly pointed out to me that I would not be good at any of the skills needed for this line … More Swamp People
I was starving and the thought of making a reservation never crossed my mind as I’m really not that great at planning my life out. So when my friend and I got rejected with hour plus waits at every restaurant we walked up to once we were already starving, I told her we needed to … More The Revenge of the Po’ Boy
“I’ve made a huge mistake,” I thought to myself as I walked into my hotel room in New Orleans only to find earplugs on the nightstand with a note warning me that things get loud. The thought of not being able to catch up on sleep after a 7 hour flight while my stomach grumbled … More Beignets and Birthdays
“I genuinely don’t have the patience for this,” I thought to myself while sitting on the bus ride home from work listening to two grown men bitch about how the bus should go faster and then proceeded to heckle the driver, telling her when to merge into traffic and to speed up. I’m convinced the … More Something in the Air
This week I came to the sudden realization that my life was getting sad when I watched the Domino’s pizza tracker on my phone in real time. I was transfixed, like a dog watching a squirrel out the window. Pizza was the only thought in my mind, and until I could inhale it and satiate … More Pizza and Peepholes
“What band are you in?” the man I’d met only 60 seconds ago asked me. I smirked as I felt the overwhelming urge to lie come over me. I clearly don’t look like a rock star in my day to day life and was looking grungy with my dirty hair and leather jacket. I had … More Sad Songs
“Hi, Friend. How are you this evening?” I looked up at the waiter guessing that I didn’t know him but doing a double take just in case he was actually a friend of mine from another life and we happened to be crossing paths again. I confirmed he was a complete stranger, and instead of … More Bitch Is Back
Transient Transplant 