Shit People Say (Part 2)

Back by popular demand, the much anticipated follow up of “Shit People Say (Part 1)” that I wrote back in September.  The time has arrived when I provide a second segment of weird conversations that I’ve either overheard or partaken in since I arrived here in Seattle.

I’m not trying to throw this at you like a dog, but…” (proceeds to throw change out the car window).

I was in an uber heading to meet some friends, and there was a girl waiting beside the road with a backpack and a cardboard sign stating, “Traveling, and looking for anything to help us along.”  I wondered what sort of situation she had gotten herself into that she was begging for money in Seattle, and figured she had not properly planned a trip out if she was now in this predicament.

It seemed to me she must have a death wish as a girl who seemed to be hitchhiking from point A to B.  I wanted to scold her for not using her head.  Didn’t she know that’s how people get murdered?  But then again I’ve been known to make a few notoriously bad decisions in my life, so I shrugged it off and went on with my life.

The driver was fumbling through his glove compartment, trying to come up with some money.   The light turned green, and he rolled down his window, as we started moving, and yelled, “I’m not trying to throw this at you like a dog, but…” and threw change out the window at the girl and drove away.

I started to laugh, wondering how she would find the change in the dark, and how far that was actually going to get her.  Also, she probably wasn’t thinking that he was treating her like a dog until he mentioned it.  Anytime someone just throws money at someone, it’s kind of weird, but she was asking for it.  And not to mention, how does this man treat dogs if that was his first thought?

My brain was formulating questions rapid fire based on this incident, but I didn’t know where to start.  Luckily for me, the driver started to explain his life story, about how he used to hitchhike everywhere when he was younger, and how he has a lot of respect for people who still do that nowadays.  I disagreed, as I sat in the backseat paying someone to chauffeur me around.

But now I was interested in this guy’s story.  Unfortunately, we had reached our destination, so I left the car with questions multiplying by the minute in my brain.  My curiosity can certainly get me into a little bit of trouble, but other times I just have to accept the fact that the loose ends will never be tied up.

“Ace of Base is a bunch of Nazis.  For real.  Google it.”

I rolled my eyes when some guy said this to me as someone sang a song in a karaoke bar, which was not actually by Ace of Base, by the way, so I automatically rejected the authenticity of this statement and was not likely to reward it with a google search.  At least not in front of his face, but I’d definitely do it in the privacy of my own home.

While the former hitchhiking driver intrigued me, people who have a plethora of Ace of Base knowledge do not.  I did google it, and it would appear that the lead singer certainly dabbled in neo-Nazi-ism as a teen, but I don’t know anything about the actual band itself being a Nazi band.  I also didn’t research it thoroughly because I can’t say that I really care that much about Ace of Base, so it wasn’t life changing to me either outcome.

Also it is worth noting that this man had said nothing to me up until this point, and then felt compelled to walk over to me and tell me this fact and then walk away.  I wondered if he thought I was a neo-Nazi.  My friend once told me as I was stopped at a gas station while driving through Idaho that it had a high neo-Nazi presence.  I threw out that maybe this information would be appreciated when, you know, I wasn’t at a gas station in the middle of nowhere Idaho.  She replied, “Don’t worry, with your blonde hair and blue eyes, you’re an Aryan dream.”

While I thought that fact may get me out of Idaho alive, I definitely didn’t think that it was a compliment.  And I didn’t think much about it, until some rando in a Seattle bar decided to give me random neo-Nazi facts and then walk away from me, and I genuinely wondered if I needed to defend my stance as not being a neo-Nazi, but rather just a blonde girl suffering from resting bitch face.

“I guess when I stuck my hand out the hole, I didn’t expect someone to be there.”

IMG_1539
The germ-ridden, mystery mail slot…
A friend of mine discovered an old mail slot as would be found in the front door of a house.  I instantly questioned why it would be in a bar, who would be using it, and for what purpose.  I did not like the thoughts that came into my brain and wanted to hand sanitize my whole body for even sitting near it.  Did that stop my friend from sticking her hand out the window into an abyss that led to the outside world?  Absolutely not.

So when she decided to chill with her hand out the window and someone grabbed her hand, she screamed.  And I laughed.  Because I’m a terrible friend.  And I asked her, “What did you expect to happen,” to which she responded with the above quote.

Then to make things even better, the girl who grabbed her hand, came inside to find my friend and introduce herself as the person who was on the other side of the slot.  I was very quickly losing my shit.  I wondered how this was even a scenario, and was dying for them to become friends solely so they could explain to people how they met.

“I mean, you aren’t going to grow old with the dog.  It’s really only part of your life for 10-15 years tops.”

Ok.  This one was me.  And I’m starting to realize how grateful I am to anyone who actually hangs out with me.

My friend was talking about how excited she was to get a new puppy.  I was excited for her.  And I genuinely love dogs, so I personally can’t wait for it to be around because I think it will be a lot of fun.  I’ve been on the fence about getting a dog since I’ve gotten here, as the companionship would be amazing, particularly when I live by myself.

But when she made the comment that she would have a dog around and seemingly was implying it would be a companion forever, I was quick to crush that dream with my staunch realism.  I was just trying to make sure she wasn’t getting carried away with the idea.  I wasn’t trying to be an asshole.  Sometimes the words pour out of my mouth so quickly that I don’t have time to rethink how they might come across.  I was simply trying to point out that the dog wouldn’t be around forever, so if that was the companionship plan, she had better think again.

Luckily, we are still friends because she laughed off the fact that I brought up the imminent death of the puppy she doesn’t even have yet.  At least the friends I have expect a certain amount of crazy to come out of my mouth from time to time and can roll with it.

 

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